Love without a price tag...

The best thing about getting married to Sree was ‘the package’ I got along with it…my mom in law. Our marriage was a normal one, but she was extraordinary… I had never been very close to my relatives and she made up for anybody I dint have..and for any affection I dint get.

On Sep 7^th she passed away…all of a sudden, leaving a painful void. I have never experienced the pain of losing a dear one till then. Death was regarded as something that happened to others and not us. It used to be so easy to offer condolences to others but when I experienced it, nothing anyone said could comfort me and all I felt was they don’t understand…

Her's was also the first lifeless body I saw… And till the moment she was taken to be cremated, I had a secret hope of her moving her toes or fluttering eyes, like the many news I had read in the past of wrong death declaration by doctors…maybe she was just unconscious … or in a coma… I went through a series of emotions from severe panic attacks to plain numbness and I salute her 3 kids for exhibiting such strength and practicality despite the sorrow . As for father, he lost his companion of 35 years and no words can express his grief.

I have come across many women… be it teachers, relatives, friends, colleagues, superiors…But none as remarkable as my mom in law who has influenced me at different phases of my life. She owned a very strong character - a contrasting blend of immense will power and sensitivity. But unmatchable was her unconditional love. A mother loving her kids is a natural instinct, but she had broken all the clichés associated with a mother in law and had loved her daughter in law just the same. A love I dint really deserve, but happily took for granted. She had no demands at all…I woke up late everyday when I was with her and she never let me do any work. I simply tagged behind her …blabbering all day and gossiping while she worked. She enjoyed my expressive love for her… my hugs and kisses and my possessiveness towards her and all the jealousy I showed when she pampered anybody but me. That was all she ever wanted from me.

A constant argument she and I had was about my eating habits where she felt I dint eat enough. She would go to any extend to make me eat, let it be feed me with her own hands, cook all my favourite dishes and make sure I had the bigger portion, or make rotis for me despite the constant pain in her arms. Few months back when she got a special payasam from temple which happened to be my favourite, she made sure to freeze my share so that she could give it to me when I went to India. I can never account for the care she took in looking after me and my baby all throughout my delivery and afterwards, just like a real mother. Many a time I would even complain to her about Sree and she would speak to him on my behalf, and even scold him at times . She had made me feel special at every instance. I never had to be my best with her. I just had to be myself with her and I knew I mattered to her a lot. I knew it every time she hugged me and cried when we returned after the vacation… and it was mutual.

Now that she is gone all this memories play in my mind one after another…making me realize that its all over. I desperately wonder if I can somehow communicate with her. If myths and religious beliefs are right and if she can really see us? What she would be feeling…When people tell me she is happy there I wonder how can she be happy being away from us…

The bond I had shared with her is what many couldn’t relate…and what I go through at her loss is also what even my closest people can’t comprehend. The fact is she had been nothing less than a mother and a perfect one at that…